dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
