I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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