Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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