do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
