He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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