ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
