you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize