She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
