I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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