this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize