what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
