So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
