Already got asked if we're dating
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
