Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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