Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
