He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
