just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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