How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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