Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
