just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
