I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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