You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
