I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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