Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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