You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize