She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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