Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
