I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
