I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
