I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
