Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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