so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My ATM looks so different sober.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
