In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
