Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
