you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
