I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
