oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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