well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
