Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
