Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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