why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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