You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
