dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
