It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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