I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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