Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
