i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
