Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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