Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
