i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
