What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
