Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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