She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
