so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
