Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
