I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
God I need to hump something, right now.
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