he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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