i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
He kissed a someone with a penis
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So much rum. So many feels.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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