this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
