he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need a burrito and a hug.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize