We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
