T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
being pregnant is like rehab
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
