Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
