it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
