Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

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(708): View more from Illinois

He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.

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(914): View more from New York

If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.

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(804): View more from Virginia

I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.

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(931): View more from Tennessee

I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA

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(650): View more from California

Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.

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(226): View more from Ontario

I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..

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