So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
