if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
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