Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
