Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
