dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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