My pussy is not your playground.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
