yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
