The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
