Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
