im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
