I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
