she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
